Archive for September, 2005
September 26, 2005 at 1:19 am · Filed under Ramblings, Thoughts
There comes a point in our lives when we start analyzing every move we make. Why we go out, why we keep certain friends, why we work so much, where will I be today, tomorrow, why did I do what I did 9 years ago, and then the infamous WHAT IF I hadn’t done this or that !
Life is certainly full of questions and definitely no guarantees. If there were guarantees then everyone would have a Fairy Tale to tell. My Fairy Tale consists of me finding myself.
Sudden drastic changes in a person’s life force them to make an introspection into their own mind. The results we may not always agree upon however true they may be. We will always live in denial, sticking by our decisions and our actions, and this is how it should be. Should it?
I feel like I’ve lived someone elses life for the past couple of years. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I like, I don’t know what I don’t like, I don’t know why I do what I for work, I don’t know when I got so bloody lost! All I remember is pretending to be someone I wasn’t by heart. I remember changing my ways to fit the ways of people around me. I tried so hard to fit in, but I really didn’t. I remember having so many friends, but I really didn’t. I remember having such a good time, is that is what a good time is? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had a blast! Some things, very questionable :-)
I made a decision to just be me. One of the smartest things I have ever, ever done. I don’t care that I am a goofy guy who makes mistakes and eats with the wrong fork at the dinner table and then proceeds to make and ass of myself just because it will make people laugh. I wear what makes me comfortable. I listen to music that makes me feel good. I run because it makes me healthier.
I keep learning new things about me, like, I really enjoy enjoy dancing. It is a big part of my life and would be a HUGE sacrifice if I had to let go of it. I like chocolates, shhhhhh don’t tell anyone, especially since I pretend to be such a health nut. I’ve wanted to cut my hair short for years now, but didn’t because I was told that I wouldn’t look good. Just do it. Life’s too short to live it for someone else. They have their own life and been dealt their own cards, they don’t need mine.
Never before have I ever felt so loved by my family, friends and most importantly myself.
–
“You don’t need to lead an interesting life. You need to see the significance in your own life.”
September 25, 2005 at 6:44 pm · Filed under Friends
Here’s a true story from my friend Aarti in China …
Today, when we were talking about how kids learn to spell, this woman was sharing her experience as a 2nd grade teacher.
Student: Teacher, how do you spell penis?
Teacher: (extremely shocked) Errrr….how do you intend to use this word?
Student: Well, I know how to spell the happy in happiness!
September 21, 2005 at 11:41 am · Filed under Thoughts
Artist: Maroon 5
Song: She Will Be Loved
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore
It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want
I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
September 13, 2005 at 11:10 pm · Filed under Ramblings, Thoughts
I feel like I’ve been going at a thousand miles per hour for the past five months without an oil change. Sometimes I lose sight of the big picture, errrmmm, what’s the big picture again?!?!?!?!?
What exactly are we doing all of this for? For our kids? Kids, kids? For our parents? To make them proud? I’m so confused!
Three months ago I was happy, content, nothing could break me, I felt like … Superman! Now, I lay here recovering from the exhaustion, stress, and curveballs life has thrown at me within a single inning. How do we balance our lives so that when we’re at work, we work, and when we’re at home, we work? Hold on … Is this really what life has in store for me?
Is it only me that has the pressure of “doing the best that I can”? Is it only me that wants to become SOMEBODY and not just ANYBODY? I am sure I am not alone, but how do they do it? How do they have the balance?
So, last week, I did what I usually do, I closed myself up. I put up those barriers and refilled the moat. I seemed to lose focus on the one person that matters most, me. How selfish is that? Can I really live the rest of my life having to resort to “focusing on myself” now and again?
Selfish or not, it keeps me healthy right now. I’ll continue as long as I can find someone who I can share my pain with.
