Archive for Ramblings
November 17, 2005 at 12:20 pm · Filed under Friends, Ramblings, Thoughts
I make it a point to write something every day, even if it’s only to myself. In fact, it is mostly to myself. How else do I get to know me? And how else do I get to know what I know until I hear what I have to say? The most important conversation in all our worlds is with ourselves. One way to converse is to take two words and then let your mind flow into them, around them and through them, and then out through your pen on to a blank white page. It doesn’t matter what comes -but be sure that you will reveal yourself to yourself, and if you keep doing it I can guarantee you will be astounded by revelation. Start your journal today.
October 27, 2005 at 5:54 pm · Filed under Ramblings, Thoughts
I’m alive.
Yep, Hurricane Wilma lingered around the Yucatan, threatened South Florida for days, and then before I could even wink she sliced us. I have no power, thus no place to keep perishable foods, and on top of that, everyone is on edge. Cabin fever!
Hurricane Katrina really opened up my eyes as far as which category hurricane my condo can handle. Katrina was a Category 1 hurricane and my sliding doors were shaking so hard I thought they were about to come loose. I was invited to stay by my friend’s parent’s house in Aventura for the duration of the storm, again. I’ve been going there to take cover from these hurricanes for about a year now and I feel like I am part of their family already! I’m an honorary Jew. ï
Although Aventura isn’t really getting out of harms way from the storm, her parents did install hurricane proof windows, glass so thick even a sledge-hammer can’t break ‘em. They are well prepared with food, water, supplies, everything. I have my own room there, and her parents are just plain amazing people. Kind of reminds me of my family in certain aspects. Family values, togetherness, caring. I can go on. This environment makes me miss my family a lot. I want to go home, NOW.
So, four days later, I still don’t have power at my condo, we don’t have power at the house where I am staying and food and gas are becoming scarce. I drove around for an hour yesterday looking for something to eat and found nothing. It’s really bad over here and I don’t think people understand that it’s going to just get worse if power doesn’t come back on anytime soon.
I went back to my condo to assess the damage to the building and there is crap everywhere. Trees down, light poles, power lines, tennis courts are torn up, nothing outside survived. I took the only working elevator up to the fourteenth floor and before I even stepped out I could smell the damage. Almost every condo on the South side of the building had their windows ripped out and had lots of water and wind damage. The apartment across the hallway from mine had their hallway door ripped out. Yes. I am talking about the door in the hallway 2 feet away from my front door. Scary. Condo survived. Food didn’t. Still no power.
So, I’ve been reading a lot and listening to a lot of music. I finally got a chance to see “The Terminal†and “Million Dollar Babyâ€. Things I’ve been putting off for a very long time, I finally got done, without power. I’m enjoying this power outage. Back to the caveman days, cooking on the grill. Oh yeah, did I mention that when mom was here she cooked for about a month and froze the food? When I went back to the condo, everything in the refrigerator was thrown out, and everything in the freezer was defrosted perfectly. Took it over to the house and we grilled all of the Indian food and made the daal rotis on the side burner. Never thought a grill would come in handy! Now there’s a thought, grilled Indian food. Paneer bhaji, Channa, Gobi bhaji, YUM!
This has been a nice break away from it all. The fast paced internet driven lifestyle I seem to have wrapped myself up in. Let’s hope everyone stays safe and recovers from this blow.
Mother Nature is extremely pissed off.
September 26, 2005 at 1:19 am · Filed under Ramblings, Thoughts
There comes a point in our lives when we start analyzing every move we make. Why we go out, why we keep certain friends, why we work so much, where will I be today, tomorrow, why did I do what I did 9 years ago, and then the infamous WHAT IF I hadn’t done this or that !
Life is certainly full of questions and definitely no guarantees. If there were guarantees then everyone would have a Fairy Tale to tell. My Fairy Tale consists of me finding myself.
Sudden drastic changes in a person’s life force them to make an introspection into their own mind. The results we may not always agree upon however true they may be. We will always live in denial, sticking by our decisions and our actions, and this is how it should be. Should it?
I feel like I’ve lived someone elses life for the past couple of years. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I like, I don’t know what I don’t like, I don’t know why I do what I for work, I don’t know when I got so bloody lost! All I remember is pretending to be someone I wasn’t by heart. I remember changing my ways to fit the ways of people around me. I tried so hard to fit in, but I really didn’t. I remember having so many friends, but I really didn’t. I remember having such a good time, is that is what a good time is? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had a blast! Some things, very questionable :-)
I made a decision to just be me. One of the smartest things I have ever, ever done. I don’t care that I am a goofy guy who makes mistakes and eats with the wrong fork at the dinner table and then proceeds to make and ass of myself just because it will make people laugh. I wear what makes me comfortable. I listen to music that makes me feel good. I run because it makes me healthier.
I keep learning new things about me, like, I really enjoy enjoy dancing. It is a big part of my life and would be a HUGE sacrifice if I had to let go of it. I like chocolates, shhhhhh don’t tell anyone, especially since I pretend to be such a health nut. I’ve wanted to cut my hair short for years now, but didn’t because I was told that I wouldn’t look good. Just do it. Life’s too short to live it for someone else. They have their own life and been dealt their own cards, they don’t need mine.
Never before have I ever felt so loved by my family, friends and most importantly myself.
–
“You don’t need to lead an interesting life. You need to see the significance in your own life.”
September 13, 2005 at 11:10 pm · Filed under Ramblings, Thoughts
I feel like I’ve been going at a thousand miles per hour for the past five months without an oil change. Sometimes I lose sight of the big picture, errrmmm, what’s the big picture again?!?!?!?!?
What exactly are we doing all of this for? For our kids? Kids, kids? For our parents? To make them proud? I’m so confused!
Three months ago I was happy, content, nothing could break me, I felt like … Superman! Now, I lay here recovering from the exhaustion, stress, and curveballs life has thrown at me within a single inning. How do we balance our lives so that when we’re at work, we work, and when we’re at home, we work? Hold on … Is this really what life has in store for me?
Is it only me that has the pressure of “doing the best that I can”? Is it only me that wants to become SOMEBODY and not just ANYBODY? I am sure I am not alone, but how do they do it? How do they have the balance?
So, last week, I did what I usually do, I closed myself up. I put up those barriers and refilled the moat. I seemed to lose focus on the one person that matters most, me. How selfish is that? Can I really live the rest of my life having to resort to “focusing on myself” now and again?
Selfish or not, it keeps me healthy right now. I’ll continue as long as I can find someone who I can share my pain with.
June 23, 2005 at 10:58 pm · Filed under Ramblings
I sometimes wonder if there is a plan for all of us. Each and every one of us. I sit here and think about what has happened in my life over the last month alone. Wow.
My mother and father taught me from when I was really young that everything happens for a reason. I never believed it, I always used to think, “Gosh why did this have to happen too me?” but now I sit back and think, “If that didn’t happen to me, then I wouldn’t be here in this position right now.”
I recently read an article which was the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005. One of the lines which stand out and stare at me in the face and have become a reality in my life already, “… you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” How true is this statement. I started this by mentioning my life over the past month being a sequence of events, maybe coincidental events, no matter what they are, I’m still here today, me, complete, because of them.
Although I can’t go into much detail yet but trust me when I do have a chance to reveal the secrets behind May & June 2005 you’ll be just as astonished as I am today.
On a different note, I got promoted at work. I am now officially the “Engineering Applications Consultant”. Before I accepted, I tested it out on a resume. Yeap, it looked good on a resume. Accepted. I think I am not going to see Miami much over the next couple of months. With the amount of traveling I’ve done over the past 10 months, I should own my own private plane like Donald Trump. Then again, I don’t have the flow like he does, yet, so I might look into an airplane timeshare.
Heck of a week coming up, buckle-up, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
ciao!
January 31, 2005 at 1:44 am · Filed under Ramblings, Thoughts
The cable car rocked from left to right
as we moved away from the station.
Whispering squeaks broke the silence with
every gust of wind. Below us, the World.
Water in the rivers trying desperately
to escape, reaching for the misty horizon.
Trees in clusters grasping for the clouds.
Green trees stand by their mothers and fathers.
The blazing sun was cold, my lips chapped,
my face numb, stomach churning.
Wind against my face made me squint,
hold my mothers hand harder.
I look up, and her face reminds me of the
eight years that had passed. Silky gray hair,
smooth wrinkles, still pearly white teeth.
A soft amiable smile, but her eyes held
back tears like a dam at high tide.
I close my eyes . . .
He lay there motionless, helpless. I could
do nothing, nobody could. It was his time,
and he had to go. His spirit filled the room,
and as he left, he whispered “I love you” and
flew away. I kneeled down next to him
and looked at him smile, held his gelid hands.
The cable car jerked as it switched gears.
My eyes, now open like those of an owl,
bear a single tear that feeds the rivers and
tributaries below. Your father loved this place.
Kishorekumar Pardasani
November 2000
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